I am exhausted. The bar is over. It was a long two days, but I gave it my all, my best, and my greatest shot. I don’t honestly think I could give it any more than I did. I feel pretty good about it, but of course, we won’t know how much effort I needed to give that I might not have until 4pm on September 6. That’s d-day. The day that the results come out.
I have thought a lot about what I’ll do if I don’t pass. I am honestly not sure I’ll take the bar again. It was so very stressful, for me as well as my family. When I went back to work today, I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until about 3pm, and the fatigue set in. All I have done since I got home is to put some clothes in washer and get some wine and chocolate. And sing. At the top of my lungs, to all my favorite iTunes songs. I was inside the house alone, so I was afforded the opportunity to sing just as off-key as I wanted, without anyone to hear. It was great. It was just what I needed.
If you’d have asked me what I wanted to do yesterday when I got out of the bar exam, I would have said I wanted to ride the biggest, scariest, craziest roller coaster that you could find. I wanted to get all the energy and adrenaline out of my body so that I could calm down. It was all there, trapped inside, and I just needed to get it out.
I hope that you all have a great weekend. I know I will. It’s the first weekend in four years that I have NOTHING to study.
Even if I don’t pass, I have 5 beautiful weeks of solitude, away from anything I don’t want to read. And it feels really, really good. I found this photo, written on a wall near the dock in Curacao. It is exactly how I feel. I would name the artist, but I have no idea who it was. Kudos to whoever they were, as the photo has been on my desk, in front of me, this whole time as I’ve studied. Someone, somewhere, helped me through the bar exam, and I thank them.