I ask myself this on a regular basis, but more so right before the start of a new semester. Is this really worth it? By “this”, I mean law school of course. The thing for which I’m paying thousands of dollars, spending countless hours, with no real payback guarantee. Yes, I will have an education, and yes, it’s been a dream of mine for many years, but is it all worth it? Really?
I sit here today, trying to get geared up, in some small way, to go back to work tomorrow. I do not want to go back to work tomorrow, because the month of hell is about to begin. Until around August 1, we will be moving people into the new building. I’m hopeful that people will just move in, not whine, and not expect my team of three to move their things for them. Moving does take effort, and honestly, I believe that most people know that, but I know of at least one who believes that we should just pack and move for the whole move itself. Not gonna happen.
The other reason I don’t really want to go back is because I want to work from home. I want to write, or be creative. I don’t want to have to feel like I’m babysitting people all day long. I don’t work in a daycare for a reason – I don’t enjoy babysitting. I did enough of it when I was a teen (my siblings are much younger than I am), and I never wanted to do it when I grew up. Put me in a daycare, if you really want me to go completely insane! I just believe that people should do what they are supposed to do at work. You’re paid to do a job. Do it. Don’t expect someone else to do it because you are too lazy, think you’re too good, or whatever. It takes everyone on the team to get the job done, but the team includes everyone – not just one or two people.
Anyway, every semester I go through the same angst. Do I want to go back? Do I want to send the law school $1700 (and that’s just for the summer – fall is more like $4500). Do I want to just drop out and say it was nice while it lasted but I’m done? Some days I think that living in a van down by the river might be okay.
I’ll be fine once I get back in the routine. Right now, though, I just don’t wanna.