This morning, I go in for minor surgery. I hate needles. I don’t like hospitals. I’m not a doctor fan. I can’t stand uncaring nurses. I’m sure I’ll encounter at least three of those today. I hope they have a Pez dispenser in the lobby full of Valium as I’m going to need it. 

It’s a somewhat elective somewhat not type of thing. And it’s not on my arm, unfortunately. So this morning’s fun began with dreams of eating nachos at midnight. Which I didn’t do but certainly considered. 

We are about 1/2 way there. Not that I want to have a wreck but today would be my choice of days if I had to chose one. At least I could eventually get something to drink. Hint for you – don’t eat something salty the night prior to surgery as all you can think about is how much you want a cup of water. 

I just really dread this. My head has been pounding since yesterday. I took some Advil last night but it has only dulled the pain. I barely slept at all last night. I guess it’s good that they’ll knock me out, both for their sales as well as my own. I’m not a good patient and unfortunately tend to be pretty rude when I’m this unhappy. I’ll try to be better today but no promises. 

I hate being scared, and that’s what all of this is. Fear. Of the unknown. Of the complications you hear about on TV. Of the embarrassment and humiliation of people I don’t know being that intimate with my body. Of lots of things. 

It’s been a stressful spring. Starting a new job is never really easy. When you’re 40+ and you start a whole new career it’s a totally different ballgame. 

I woke up with one of my infamous stomach aches. And of course I can take nothing for it. 

I’m sure I’ll be fine. If not, my will is in the safe and I want to be torched and tossed into the ocean at Oceanside and Habalei Bay. Yes morbid. But when you’ve dealt with so much at an early age life just isn’t fun sometimes as you know too much. Kind of like that movie The Man Who Knew Too Much. Or something like that. 

Wish me luck.