Ugly Bootsy

So Friday night, we went to a comedy club on the ship. It was really crowded, and most folks had just come from dinner, so there were lots of nice shirts and pants on the guys and dresses on the ladies. Up in front of us was a guy and a girl who had to be his sister, based on what he was wearing, for no girlfriend or wife would have let him out of the house dressed like he was. He had on a huge straw cowboy hat, jeans, and the ugliest luna moth-looking boots we had ever seen. What was worse is that he had his jeans tucked into the boots, which really revealed the ugliness in its full form.

Now, it was dark in the theater. We were on a ship, in the ocean, at least 500 miles from the nearest cattle farm or horse, yet Cowboy Pete thought he needed to be in full cowboy regalia for some reason.

If he’d even been remotely handsome, he could have pulled it off better, but alas, he was not a “hot” cowboy. He was more like a weary cowpoke who got dropped off a cow on his head. It was not a pretty sight.

The hat was really huge. It had a wingspan bigger than a cormorant’s, taking up like three seats in the theater. The boots were staring at us, I swear. They had luna moth “eyes” on the tops. Tucked in pants just caused those suckers to keep on staring.

We saw him again today while disembarking from the ship. Same outfit. Same ugly boots. I really thought Customs was going to detain him for harassing a federal employee, since those boots just kept right on staring. I also asked Sweetie what Cowboy Pete must have worn to the beach. Surely he didn’t wear the boots. Surely.

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