8/9/12 around 2pm, CDT, Freeport, Bahamas

Jorts. If you have (a) lived in the South, (b) visited Disneyworld (Orlando, of course), (c) lived through the 70s or early 80s, or (d) been on a cruise, you have seen jorts. It is inevitable.

If you don’t know what jorts are, you will now be educated.

Jorts = Jean/Denim + Shorts

Jorts = a fashion error, especially if (a) they are “Daisy Dukes” on someone over 30 or on someone larger, (b) they are too tight, in any size, revealing too much of any body part, or (c) worn with black socks, boots of any type, or old man “loafers” with white socks (all my personal favorites). If you fit any of these categories, may the Levi’s god have mercy on your soul.

I’m not a fashionista. I don’t wear the latest fashions, and I honestly don’t enjoy clothes shopping that much. I do, however, know and fully understand that jorts have been out of style since the 80s. I also know that they are, for all intents and purposes, merely leftover fabric that they decided to use for something. I appreciate this, as I believe recycling is a very good thing and practice it regulary. I also believe, though, that the fabric from which jorts are made could very well be used for a lot of other good purposes, including (but not limited to – sorry it’s the law student in me talking):

* cleaning cloths
* baby bibs
* baby spitup cloths
* quilts (may be just as bad as jorts, but at least one doesn’t typically wear a quilt in public)
* placemats for a fish restaurant
* ball caps
* Western shirts, with the pearly buttons
* dog chew toys

I’m sure that you can develop your own list.

Lesson contained herein: Don’t wear jorts. They are dorky and make you look like something from a 70s made-for-TV movie.