I don’t know about you, but I learn a little bit every single day. I at the very least try to. I hope I am successful in doing so. Everyday I find myself gaining a little more knowledge, moving ahead, learning more about this somewhat crazy new profession that I attempted at the ripe old age of 43. Yes. 43. It seems like yesterday when I was 23. But, alas, those days are long gone.
Today’s learning experience is to ask all the right questions. Just when I think I am all done with a line of questioning, the judge asks more questions. I appreciate that, since it helps me learn. It aggravates me, though, not at the judge but at myself. I should have known. I could have known. I feel like a failure. I know I am not, but for me, Miss Straight As, Miss First Chair, Ms. Head Majorette, it makes me feel like a failure. It’s just part of being me. It pushes me to learn and do more, do better, keep learning. It pushed me to be a better advocate for my clients. I am happy about that. Without challenges, life is pretty boring.
I have often thought about how cool it would be to be retired. Who knows how old I will be when I finally get to retire, if ever. I also think about whether I will make it that long. More often, I wonder if I will actually want to retire when the time comes, or will I be that crotchety old woman still practicing law like Dr. Abernathy practiced medicine until she basically died at work? I think she did, anyway. That was the rumor.
I have a job that allows me to do that. Stay until I literally cannot function any longer. A job that is flexible in its hours. A job that can be transported to home or another firm, if that ever came to be. A job that I truly enjoy and feel like I make a difference every single day.
The other night, Sweetie and I were talking about my job. I was stressed, as I had to work ,oust of the weekend to get caught up. I was really tired, I’m starting to get a cold or sinus crap, and I just wasn’t feeling it. He told me something that has stuck with me all week, even today during my hearing. He said, “This job is good for you. It gives you emotions that I have never seen you have with anything else. It’s what you were meant to do.” I truly believe that and agree with him. It is, it does, and it is. I feel alive again. I felt dead for so long.
So, every day, when I am learning, grasping, feeling, and moving ahead, I am also enjoying. Enjoying every single day. Every minute, even when it’s difficult. Every second, even when I might feel a bit foolish or underprepared, even when I know I’m not. I love it.