Oh Freddie

Tonight, we are doing our typical New Year’s Eve celebration – at home.  We don’t go out because of all the craziness, deciding to stay home and chill out, drinks in hand, watching bowl games and surfing the internet.  Tonight’s tribute, personally, is Freddie Mercury, who was, in my opinion, the most gifted vocalist of all time, to date.

This year I have thought a lot about what if.  What if I had not decided to go to law school?  What if I had not decided to look for a house in West Little Rock?  What if I had not bought those tickets to Europe?  What if I had not passed the bar?  What if I had not decided, finally, to take a much-scary step and quit my job?  What if…

My life has changed so dramatically over the past 6 months.  I have gone from unhappy, stressed every single day, almost always mad, and extremely depressed.  I didn’t really want to go on, many days, thinking of either running away or running to the ground.  Seriously.  How in the world did I let a job do that to me?  How did I get to that point?  What was wrong with me?  What has changed so dramatically?  SO MANY THINGS.

Talking today to my bosses and my co-worker, I almost cried.  Thankful for the challenges I’ve been presented.  Thankful to have a non-stressful environment where I feel like I’m a part of something much larger than myself.  A purpose.  People who need me.  People that need my help to get better, get out of a bad situation, move ahead with their lives.  I see it every single day.   I see myself in their eyes, when they come in my office.  I see where I was, and I see how I can get them to the other side of the river, that I crossed, swimming one stroke at a time, against the current.

I’m so very thankful for my life now.  I don’t want to run away.  I want to live in our home, pet our furchild, sit out on our deck, even if I’m working on my new Mac, I’m happy.  Yes, court is still scary, but I’m getting there.  The folks in the black robes don’t make me nearly as nervous as they did at first.  They are people, just like me, right?  I mean, they make the decisions and such, but as long as I’m prepared and know the law and my case, I have a very good shot at getting my clients the very best possible outcome.  It’s up to me, but it’s up to me.  It’s not controlled by someone with the marionette strings who is above the roof, without a view.  

Freddie on this cold, winter’s night, the last day of 2014, makes me wistful for the year to come.  Makes me know that there is hope out there.  Makes me know that I can make it.  I am amazed at what the last few months have brought, and I’m excited, for the first time in a while, about what the future holds.

Happy 2015 to you all.  Make your dreams a reality.  Take a chance.  Step out on the shaky plank, and jump in that ocean.

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