I realized something yesterday, although I’ve known about it for a while now. Romantic movies are made for those who either want romance or for those who had romance and want it to return. Sometimes, watching old romantic movies or love stories takes me back to a different time and place. Not a better time but simply a different time. The reason for this is that when I watch romantic movies, depending on how I feel at the time makes a difference in how they affect me, for either a long or short time.
When I was younger, some of the movies I watched had an effect that was different than it is now. My current perspective changes the way I feel about the movies, almost always for the good. Now that I am truly loved, and I know that I am, I feel that the movies were meant for me. Like someone was writing them with me in mind, almost. Before, when I was not loved, they were a sad thing because they made me long for what I did not have and thought I would never have. Now, those same movies make me feel glad to be loved, like I’m part of the Loved Club, where all the romantic movies actually make sense instead of just making me sad. It’s a drastic difference.
I think the same thing is true with other things – music, books, and other forms of entertainment, as well as smells and other things that affect the senses. There are now pieces of music that I see differently. There are movies that I see from another perspective, and there is a smile in my heart that was never there before. There are times that I think back and wonder how I managed 14 long years being unloved. There are times when I wonder how I didn’t just give up and do something drastic to myself. There are times that still scare me.
Now, though, I do feel loved. I feel like I am with the person I was always meant to be with. He loves me. For me. I love him for being himself. He is my hero. Much like the heroes on all those movies and in those books I have read, he rescues me when I need to be rescued and just holds my hand when I’m scared. He is the best person I know.
I know that some out there probably feel this is bullocks, but it’s not. It’s really how I feel. To be loved is a great thing, and it does change one’s perspective on life. Humans were not really meant to be alone. We are pack animals, just like wolves or elephants. We need the company of others. Sure, there are loners out there who live for long periods of time alone. There are times when I feel like I need to be alone – I long for alone time from time to time. But, on a cold Sunday afternoon, with ice on the ground, I am warmed by the feelings in my heart for the person I adore.