Meet Mr. Riff, Ms. Raff, and the Riff-Rafters

January 7, 2013 1:23pm, On board the Caribbean Princess, in the Caribbean somewhere

Dude, I think we are lost.

Not really.  We just have not spotted land for a while. That isn’t that strange, really, since we are on a boat, in the middle of the ocean.

Yesterday, I wrote about the apparent low level of riff raff on this boat. It is still very true. For the most part, the peel on this ship seem to be of the non riff raff variety. This is a good thing. For instance, I have yet to see one single solitary ugly clown color shirt with a certain NCAA football team logo (hint: gold and purple) and I have seen ZERO Looney Tunes shirts, pants, or fuzzy slippers in the dining room. These are all GOOD things. I don’t want to be confronted with the decay of modern society when dining an elegant meal on a nice ship on a vacation for which I paid this much money. Plus, I am using vacation days for this.

Mind yo, I really have nothing against Looney Tunes, LSU, or fuzzy horseshoes in certain places, for instance at your house, on a Sunday morning. Not in public, and for goodness’ sake not in a nice restaurant with cloth napkins and tablecloths. But, on some cruises, that’s just what you get. People think a cruise is like Vegas or NOLA. They think they have paid for it, so that must therefore give them the right to act like idiots and leave all their bad behavior on the ship then they exit. At our expense, of course.

We have mostly hung out on our balcony, on the very back adults only pool, or on the side deck in the comfy chairs that remind me somewhat of the Titanic. I am glad we are not in the north Atlantic and there are no icebergs around anywhere. That would make me nervous.

Because we have more hung out at the main pool or in any of the real bar areas, we also have not had to deal with Mr. Riff or his wife/girlfriend/sister, Ms. Raff. We knew they were on the boat somewhere, and until yesterday at the beach we really thought maybe they had allowed their hangovers to cause them t miss the boat entirely. Then, when we got all set up I our clamshell, we found them.

They were not only annoying but rude, as those types usually are. The clan included mom, dad, two boys, a wife/sister/girlfriend (or perhaps a combination of those three), and a grandmother. I am no saint, but there is a time and a place for cursing, and an idyllic Bahamian beach is not that place. Especially when drinks are brought to you, you haven’t a care in the world, and you are in a totally tranquil setting. Apparently the Riff Raffs didn’t get the message or chose to ignore it and act as if they were in Vegas or NOLA. Either way, I don’t believe I have  ever heard a 75+ year old woman actually state that she would just keep drinking so long as she could still stand up.

When one of the family decided to go embellishing, he apparently forgot the cardinal rule – you don’t take live shells. They have animals in them. It’s a bad thing. And he also forgot that shells directly from the ocean don’t smell all nice and clean like the ones you buy in the souvenir shops. They smell like fish. Fish out of water after a few days really don’t smell good.

I also don’t think I have  ever heard anyone use such foul language in public on a privately beach. Now, I have traveled a lot. I have cursed myself, more than I should have. I have also worked with guys who have. But in a public setting such as that beach, I have  not heard anything like what this rude family said yesterday. It was really awful. As a result, I have vowed to myself to never curse again in public unless it’s a total emergency.

What is a cursing emergency? Like your car going off the mountain and you screaming a relevant curse word.  You get the point.

Today, we saw the Riff Raffs again. They were at the adult pool. I looked over at them a feel times when they started to get loud. Others did the same. They eventually got the hint and left the area  not doubt to go find others like their kind so they would blend in.

One other point from yesterday – I overhead Senior Riff saying that not too long ago someone had asked him to be quiet in another social setting. He said that he told the person to shut the @$&# up because he hadn’t even said anything for at least 20 minutes. I found this most difficult to believe, as he had not shut up the entire time we had been at the beach. I can’t imagine that be had ever been quiet for more than 20 minutes.

Here is hoping that Riff and Raff stay out of your vacations.

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