Quirky Drivers, Part Three

Yet another installation of Quirky Drivers and Their Issues.

  1. Huge mirror people – We are never really sure what they could possibly haul that would present the need for such huge mirrors.  These mirrors are the type that poke out so far from the sides of the car/truck that that the vehicle actually take flight.  Dumbo has nothing on these cars and trucks!
  2. The perfect parking place person – This person drives around the lot until finding just the perfect spot.  Even if there is a spot three cars down, she will inevitably wait for a closer-to-the-store spot to open up, letting the occupant of that car put her bags in the car, strap in her children, check her hair and makeup, adjust every mirror, etc., before backing up, of course holding up all the traffic behind her, including the poor soul in the car three spots down.
  3. Doughnut tire people – Now, we know every now and then that folks with smaller cars with the “doughnutspare tire have to actually use the spare tire.  Maybe they have a flat, a nail, or a piece of broken glass in their tire and they’ve taken it to get fixed.  This designation does not apply to these people.  Doughnut tire people are those who keep the doughnut on their forever, even though the poor little doughnut tire is not meant to go over 100 miles.
  4. The stinker – Closely related to “the fogger”, this car just smells, badly.  Perhaps it’s engine exhaust,a radiator leak, or maybe it’s a dead body in the trunk, but whatever it is make the car stink the whole time you’re behind it.  And, of course you’re always behind it.  No one else on the highway will let you pass, for they do not desire to be behind the stinker either.
  5. The yard junker – This driver just decides that when he is finished with the vehicle he will just park it in the yard and leave it there, forever basically.  Now a lot of newer home developments do not allow junk cars to be parked on the streets, so you won’t see this in some of the newer neighborhoods.  Where you usually see it are in rural areas where there are no real restrictive covenants on your land, unfortunately.  The worst part about the yard junker is that it’s never just one car – it is several cars, all abandoned over a span of many years.  You may see a 1950 Chevy, in 1960 Ford, 1975 Impala, and so on and so forth.  It’s almost like you can tell how old the yard junker is by the models of cars that he has in his yard.
  6. Too many antennae – This vehicle is covered with several antennae.  It’s almost like whoever is driving the vehicle works for NASA and has to keep in touch with space telescopes, alien lifeforms, and the president of course.  The only thing good about this vehicle and its driver is that he’s probably never going to be out of reach of someone.  His vehicle, however, resembles a cockroach on wheels.
  7. The Cavalier – I always say, “Into everyone’s life must come a Cavalier.”  I had one when I was in college, so I can talk about it.  Let’s just say the Cavaliers are not meant to be standup vehicles for long-term use.  They last about 2 years tops if you’re lucky.  I cannot tell you how many Cavaliers I have seen dead on the side of the road when we have driven across country.  It’s almost as frequent an appearance as the black rubber creatures (dead tires) or possums. With my Cavalier, every time I got extra money at work, I had to spend it on the car.  New tires, new battery, new alternator, etc.  You name it, it broke.  The last straw was the cup holder.  It was a flimsy drawer thing with a piece of wire that held the cup up.  My passenger bought a Big Gulp, and when he put it in the famed cup holder, it fell straight through to the floor.  I remember exactly where I was when this happened, even though I moved from that town 14 years ago.  That was the last straw, and I bought a new car shortly thereafter.  There are so many stories about this car, I’m going to have to write another blog.
  8. The old Firebird with t-tops – These cars are almost exclusively owned by stoners from the 70s.  The reason for this is that they drove them, in the 70s.  They’ve never gotten over driving them in the 70s.  No other car will ever measure up to the Firebird with t-tops. There is one that drives around our town today, old and beaten, missing headlight with the other one wired on with bailing wire.  It should have been put out to pasture years and years ago.  Perhaps the yard junker might be interested in putting this one in his car pasture as well.
  9. The different colored panel car – This beauty has been in at least one wreck, possibly several.  The driver, not wanting to spend that insurance money or not wanting to claim the insurance money, instead visits his local junkyard to find a door, quarter panel, or trunk lid that matches close enough but not quite.  Sometimes it may even be from a different model year car.  Regardless it’s like a car of many colors.
  10. The homemade camouflage – The driver of this car has decided that he wants a camo paint job, but he doesn’t really want to pay for a camo paint job to be done professionally. He goes to his local arts and crafts store, incognito of course, purchases a couple of leaf stencils and some gray, black, brown, and even perhaps orange paint.  After a few beers, his camo paint job looks just perfect.  Too bad that it doesn’t look perfect everyone else.

Stay tuned, as there are plenty where these came from.  If you have any that you would like to send please write chetsbabe@att.net.

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