Tour Questions You Never Thought to Ask, and Shouldn’t Have

Some of the questions I get on tours make me wonder if they are just messing with me, or what.  After giving about 72 tours, I have come across a few that I thought I’d share.  Enjoy

1.  There are two pipes sticking up in the middle of the hallway floor on a floor that is about 70% finished.  There are walls, for the most part, but no paint, no windows, no doors, no faucets or fixtures, and no cabinets.  The pipes are clean-outs for the water drainage system for the building, they they obviously won’t stay sticking up in the middle of the floor, but I’ve had several people comment that “that is the stupidest thing they have ever seen” and “why in the world would they leave those pipes in the middle of the hallway”.  No, we’re not that stupid, but thank you for asking.

2.  But I’ll get “hat hair” if I wear a hard hat.  This one just aggravates me, since I have hat hair every single day!  The tours are held early in the mornings, mainly because it’s so darn hot right now outside that afternoon tours would cook the tourists, and that would not be a good thing.  Melted tourists are really hard to get down the stairs.  So, when folks say this about their hair, I kind of want to say, “Well, you can have hat hair, or you can have no tour.”  I can’t have anyone getting injured on my watch, but usually I’m nice and just tell them I’m sorry and that their hair will recover.

3.  “Are the bathtubs and showers really going to be that ugly green?”  No, silly, it’s a protective film.  This isn’t the 1970s.  They don’t even make green bathtubs and haven’t for almost 40 years.  The tubs are white, and so are the showers.

4.  “Is this the elevator?”  This was one of my favorites.  Let’s see…the door opened up, it has those cool buttons by the door, and my stars! it has a floor.  Unless we’re on an amusement ride (which would be rather cool inside a children’s hospital), I think we’re in an elevator!

5.  “But this elevator doesn’t look pink, it looks blue?”  See #3 above.  It’s blue because, wait for it, it has blue protective film on it.  Besides that, the green elevator isn’t really green (it’s silver!), and the red elevator isn’t really red (it’s silver and glass!).  So, “pink” is the name, not the color, dear.

6.  “I think my sunglasses are as good as your safety glasses, so why can’t I wear them instead?”  Because (a) it’s dark in some places inside the building, (b) it’s not a fashion contest, and (c) we’re not going on the tour so you can look cool and find yourself a date.  Again, just being safety queen!

7.  “Why don’t the stairs have railings?  I mean, someone could fall!”  OMG, really?  We never thought of that, thank you so much!!!  Actually, the railings (glass) haven’t been installed yet, but thanks for noticing that the building isn’t yet complete.

8.  “What floor are we on?”  This, just after we were on the fourth floor for a whole 15 minutes and went down ONE flight of stairs. 4 minus 1 = 3. No, we didn’t use some sly trick to make the second floor be just under the fourth.

9.  “Will you have tents or some shade devices out on the roof garden?”  Um, no.  We have two huge Sikorsky helicopters that would love to suck those right on up into their rotors.  A crashed helicopter in our new building would just mean a really bad day for everyone, don’t you think?

10. While we were on the fourth floor,  “Where is the emergency department?”  Me:  “On the first floor.”  Same person, “Where is the emergency department?”, while we were on the 2nd floor, right after I said, “We are on the second floor.”  Me:  “On the first floor.”   Same person, “Are we going to the emergency department?”, as we are standing in the trauma area in the emergency department after I’ve already said, “This is the emergency department.”  (This one makes me laugh until I cry every time I think about it.)

11.  “Are there any consult rooms in this area?”  Me:  Yes, there are two down by the x-ray room.  “How many are there?”  Me, giving her the benefit of the doubt for possibly not hearing me the first time, “Two.”  “Where are they?”  Me, somehow maintaining my composure, “Two, down by x-ray.”  I added the last part so we didn’t have to go through the whole “where are they experience” again.

More to come.  I’m laughing too hard right now to write down any other stories!

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